Feed on
Posts
Comments

When Death Comes

Aug 30th, 2010 by Mary Bea

When Death Comes

When death comes
May her kiss be sweet
As she inhales your last exhale

When death comes
May you rest in the solace
That yours was a life that was lived

When death comes
May legions of angels
Joyfully sing your soul home

When death comes
May those left behind
Know “all shall be well
And all shall be well
And all manner of things shall be well.”

These words came  in the night while by the bedside of a loved one who is very sick.  What experiences have you had in the thin place of being with dying?

Tags: ,

Posted in Uncategorized | 13 Comments »

Living the Questions

Aug 25th, 2010 by Mary Bea

Recently, there have been many important questions to answer. Choices to be made about care for a loved one who is seriously ill, vocation decisions, unexpected travel opportunities, where to live…

When I was younger, I was sure I knew so much. I thought as I ran down a country road near our home.   Isn’t it funny, I pondered, the older I get, I have less answers and more questions.  I hope there is some wisdom in this “not knowing.”

SWOOP!  Just as I was musing about this inverse relationship between my age and level of certainty, a large bird flew a few feet in front of me–right at eye level!  The wind from his wings kissed my cheek.  As he sailed up to a branch over-hanging the road, I stopped running and looked up.

A huge barred owl was staring at me from his perch. I smiled gratefully and we held each other’s gaze for a few minutes. What a treat to see this magnificent creature up close.  Instinctively I placed my palms together at my heart in the Namaste position.

“What do you have to teach me brother owl?” I thought, then giggled at myself for being so silly as to ask an owl this question.  Girl, you must be really desperate for answers to be asking this BIRD advice.

He turned his head 180 degrees and then flew off into the woods. Resuming my run I remembered the Ranier Maria Rilke quote, “Live your questions now, and perhaps even without knowing it you will live along some distant day into your answers.”

Thank you brother owl, I think I’ll call you Rilke.  Namaste

Tags: ,

Posted in Uncategorized | 4 Comments »

Wishes Yet Made

Aug 12th, 2010 by Mary Bea

Nan Jacobs Vase

“This is for you!”  Carol exclaimed, hand outstretched with a tissue-filled gift bag. Malcolm and I had anticipated this visit with our friends Carol and Ben for quite some time.  Their warm smiles and hugs portended a joy-filled reunion.

Always grateful for goodies, I pulled the tissue from the bag revealing a tiny, clay vase, wisps of wire and a church-like trinket wrapped around the neck–an exquisite testimony to earthy elegance. I held the vase with my fingers and thumb, the smooth clay hearkening earlier, almost tribal times.

“This will be perfect for Mary’s grotto!”  I proclaimed. Just the day before when I had carried a statue of Mary and a candle to the rock deck it became apparent to me  a vase would complete the grotto’s altar.  At the time, I had made a note to keep an eye out for a small bud vase to place at Mary’s feet.

Carol explained that she had purchased this Nan Jacobs piece a few weeks before at the Mentone Art Show. Weeks before I found the statue of Mary; weeks before the creation of Mary’s Grotto; weeks before any of this, Carol browsed the Mentone Art Show and purchased a tiny vase to complete this yet-to-be conceived sacred space over a hundred miles away.

How do we understand the fulfillment of wishes yet made?

Namaste


Posted in Mary's Grotto, Uncategorized | No Comments »

Fresh Eyes

Aug 10th, 2010 by Mary Bea

Statue of St. Mary

Statue of St. Mary, Please click on image

You know how we become so familiar with someone or something we stop seeing them with fresh eyes? Sadly, when that happens, we rob the other and ourselves of the opportunity to grow together.

In his book, Teachings on Love, Thich Nhat Hanh reminds us, “You may have the impression that you know everything about your spouse, but it is not so.  Nuclear scientists study one speck of dust for many years, and they still do not claim to know everything about it.”

Whether it is a spouse, a friend, or even a place, we can become blind to changes, or unexplored attributes. With life-denying arrogance, we form an impression of someone or something and re-experience this image over and over again.

Remember how I told you about buying a statue of St. Mary at the Ave Maria Grotto gift store? Well, when I returned home, I immediately unwrapped the statue and the candle, grabbed my purple cloth bag that contains my rosary beads, and ran down the 99 steps to the “rock deck.”

Facing away from the lake, I surveyed the rocks just off of the wooden deck for Mary’s place. My search did not take long. Just off of the deck was a small formation of large rocks.  I took a few steps on the dirt and traced my hand over the surface of the largest rock. Like a blind woman reading braille, I read the naturally-worn, circular indentations of the cold stone.  My hands told me that the shape of the base of the statue and the candle matched the grooves in the rock.  I placed them in their spots and stepped back.

“Oh my” slipped from my lips. Leaning in front of the rock that held the objects was another, smaller rock–a kneeler.  I knelt on its hard surface and prayed.  I prayed that bringing Mary here would be a blessing.  I prayed prayers of gratitude for having grown up in a home where Mary was honored.  I asked for guidance and forgiveness.

That was about all my knees could take.  So I pulled up a chair, and facing Mary’s grotto I pulled out my rosary beads and chanted the familiar words.

“Our father who art in heaven…” My the view from this angle is unique. I thought.  I feel as if I am deep in the forest.

“Hail Mary full of grace…” It is so cool here under the rock. Birds, squirrels, salamanders flew and scurried among the brush.  Daisy lay next to me, head erect as if she too was surveying this new view.

“Glory be to the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit…” How many times had I thought I miss the woods of North Carolina? This gift has been here all along!

I sat in extended silence, relishing the earthiness of it all. Gazing at Mary and the candle I knew I wanted to find a small vase to place a flower at her feet.  I blew out the candle and walked back up the steps, grateful for this new gift from an old friend.

Little did I know, the vase was already on its way.

Does anyone else wrestle with this seeing with fresh eyes?  I am interested in your experience.

Namaste


Tags: , , , ,

Posted in Mary's Grotto | 2 Comments »

Mary’s Grotto

Aug 9th, 2010 by Mary Bea

Rock Deck

Rock Deck

A funny thing happened on the way to pick up a St. Joseph statue. I decided I didn’t want one–yet.  In some circles, it is customary to expedite the sale of your home by burying a statue of St. Joseph*.

While driving to the Ave Maria Grotto to buy a St. Joseph statue, I reminisced about the many beautiful experiences that have happened in our home.  Malcolm and I fell in love here; Brendan, Kiki, Malcolm, and I came together as a family; I wrote my first book in the loft, friends have found respite from busy lives, scary diagnoses, and the rigors of rearing children.  Truly, this is hallowed ground.

I haven’t always appreciated the blessings of this home. When we first moved here, I grieved the life and friends I had left behind in Chapel Hill.  As new friendships formed in Alabama, most were far away–I wished to be closer to the action.  Like everything, there is a light and dark side to this home–it is an enclave of natural beauty and solace and it is far from many of the people and places that are dear to me.

As I approached the Ave Maria Grotto, I remembered a passing comment my friend Caroline had made sometime back.  We were walking down to the “rock deck,” and Caroline marveled at the sandstone formations which created a cave-like feel to the area.  “Mary, this is a grotto to Mary.” She said.  I loved the idea, but had never brought it to fruition.

Remembering Caroline’s observation, I made a choice to buy a statue of Mary, instead of Joseph. When I arrived at the Ave Maria Grotto I was surprised to see a friend from church, Buster working at the gift store.  He greeted me in his warm, jovial fashion, then asked questions about what I was looking for.  Buster patiently showed me the many options available.  I appreciated how he understood the importance of the task–giving me enough space to wander, and gently guiding when appropriate.  I struggled to find the Mary that felt “just right.”  Most seemed too big, too blue, or too something.

Then I found a small, hand-carved statue of Mary holding Jesus. The simple lines, the way she lovingly gazed at the babe in her hands, the wood, all spoke to me.  I knew she was the one.  Buster beamed as he opened the case and handed the statue for me to hold.  The sales clerk gently wrapped her in protective bubble wrap while I picked out a rose-scented candle to accompany her.

I was excited to carry her to her new home and couldn’t wait to see how she looked in the “grotto.” Bringing this statue to our home seemed like a small gesture of giving back–for me to offer something to this sacred place that has given so much.

Taking this one step in the direction toward healing has been the catalyst for many blessings…I look forward to sharing them with you tomorrow.

Namaste

I’m interested in how you have experienced this paradox of “blessing and curse.”  Were you able to resolve it?  What happened?

*Note:  this link has helpful instructions for burying the St. Joseph statue.  Personally I am not hot on the prayer at the end and suggest making up your own which includes calling in the new owner and asking for protection and blessing for them as well–both during the process and after they move.

Tags: , , , , ,

Posted in Mary's Grotto | 2 Comments »

This is NOT Part of MY Rock-N-Roll Fantasy!

Aug 5th, 2010 by Mary Bea

Daisy and I have switched-up our morning routine. The change was prompted by the creation of what I have dubbed, “Mary’s Grotto.”  This is actually the former “rock deck,” our lowest deck near the lake.  It is a tribute to St. Mary (certainly not me) and I have been anxious to share all the details with you about how this new sacred space came to be.  Sorry, that’s not gonna  happen today–maybe tomorrow.

What I will tell you is that for the past two weeks, Daisy and I have descended the 99 steps to “Mary’s Grotto” at 6 am to pray the rosary.  Well, Daisy can’t slide her paws through the beads, so she usually chews on a stick while I pray.  I think we are doing the same thing in our own way.

I have come to love this new space and returning to the rosary. The rocks, the birds, the squirrels make an idyllic backdrop for spiritual renewal.  The first week I enjoyed the grotto in sweet solitude.

Not so the second week, while I was in the midst of a “Hail Mary” the “bang” of a truck door slamming interrupted the silence. Shortly after,  buzzing of saws and smacking of hammers sounded an early morning cacophony from the home across the water.  Breathe. I thought.  Of course they need to start early, the heat has been oppressive.

Each morning they return at about 6:15 or so. With a sniff of smugness, I took pride in my spiritual superiority–I had adapted to the intrusion.  The rhythmic pounding and sawing became “white noise” during the chanting of my prayers.

That was until this morning.

Once again I heard the salutory “Bang” of the truck’s door. Angelically I prayed, not missing a bead or a beat.  And then the second truck arrived.  It’s inhabitant exited his vehicle with a few loud shouts to his co-worker, obviously unaware that everything carries across the lake.  E-V-E-R-Y-T-H-I-N-G!  Breathe…he is unaware.

Slipping the beads between my fingers I piously persisted. “IT’S ALL PART OF MY ROCK AND ROLL FANTASY…” Blasted through the trees, over the water and into the sanctuary of my grotto!  “IT’S ALL PART OF MY ROCK AND ROLL DREEAAAMMMM YEAH YEAH YEAHHHHHHH OHHHHOOO!”

This Bad Company classic was one of my favorites in high school–I vividly remember when my brother, Mike gave me the album for Christmas.  Rocking out in my purple short-shorts getting my groove on like you can’t believe, I used to listen to that song cranked up.  But never before NOON and certainly not at SIX AM!

Breathing wasn’t working, praying didn’t help. “Obviously this guy is completely selfish!” I told myself.  “He’s probably a gun-toting hunter!” I self-righteously spewed.  I questioned his upbringing, was sure he smelled, and had myself convinced his education could not exceed the 8th grade.

Agitated, I stood up. I walked from the grotto to our walkway near the lake.  “Buddy, could you turn that *&%! radio off I am *&%! PRAYING HERE!!!” Actually raced across my “screen.”  Thankfully, I suppressed the impulse to yell it.

I was unable to regroup. Gathering my beads, lighter, and novena booklet, I walked over to the statue of Mary, blew out the candle, and angrily tromped up the steps.  Muslims contend there are 99 names for God.  I think I came up with 99 nasty names for my truck-loving, hammer-wielding, buddy.

Wow! I really went off the deep end.

In their book, Primary Speech: A psychology of prayer, Ann and Barry Ulanov refer to experiences like the one I had as, “fantasy” in prayer.  Some of those fantasies are of course for positive things that we wish for in our lives like, money, beauty, etc.  And sometimes, in prayer the darker side surfaces–envy, anger, greed, hatred.  “The person who gives his or her inmost self to prayer is exposed to awareness of those forces head on.”

The Ulanov’s contend that “awareness grows in these circumstances…” They encourage us to bring God’s presence and our awareness to these “fantasies” so we can learn about the darker side of ourselves.  Rather than pushing it away, leaning into them with God’s presence opens us to understand some of the forces that unconsciously lurk in the shadows.

Looks like I have some work to do!

Namaste


Tags: , ,

Posted in Mary's Grotto | 3 Comments »

Am I Of Service to the World?

Aug 4th, 2010 by Mary Bea

We all want to know our being here, visiting this planet for however long, matters. Living a life of meaning is intrinsic in the human experience.

Yet often, our daydreams and desires for our lives focus on reaching  desired outcomes with fleeting satisfaction–to make a certain amount of money, achieve “success” professionally, have a beautiful home/perfect children/body…I bet you can fill in the blank.

And you know, we don’t need to feel guilty about our natural inclination for  these things. It is a cruel paradox that these minor distractions become the focus of our lives taking us off course from living that meaningful life–you know, the one that matters.

Last Sunday, our priest Bob Blackwell asked us to consider, How do I manage my miracles? Isn’t that a great question?  I liked it so much I wrote it in my calendar as a repeating event for the month of August.  I’ve only been doing this for a few days and I’m not thrilled with my answers.  But I am new at this and so I’m going to give myself some space to grow with this idea of miracle management.  Someone needs to start an MMM program–Masters in Miracle Management.

What I am realizing is that before I can figure out how to manage my miracles, I need to identify: What are my miracles? There are so many–family, faith, health, friends, work that I love, safe, beautiful home, air, sun,…

And so how have I been managing these?  Hmmmm…not easy to answer, but, I have been thinking that this whole miracle management stuff ties into Lauren Artress‘ fourth question, Am I of service to the world?

Bob reminded us that “all that I (we) have is a gift from God.” This has me wondering if I couldn’t emulate the GIVER  and share my miracles in loving service with others.  It would mean I couldn’t control them, they would need to be offered generously, abundantly, joyfully.  An outpouring of miracles in service to the world.  I wonder what that would look like!

Take a minute and ask yourself:

What are my miracles?

How do I manage my miracles?

Am I of service to the world?

As you answer these questions what feels good? Maybe not so great?  Any ideas on how you can share your miracles in a way that is meaningful service to the world?  Don’t wait to give away your miracles, we have no way of knowing how long we are here–the time is now.

Is there someone who inspires you to be of service to the world?  If so, feel free to share that story below.  Maybe you want to proclaim how you are moved to be of service.  Thank you and Namaste

Tags: , , ,

Posted in Labyrinth Questions, Uncategorized | No Comments »

Am I Lessening My Judgments?

Jul 30th, 2010 by Mary Bea

Mother Teresa

“If you love people, you have no time to judge them.” Mother Teresa

Lead with Love. That seems to be what Mother Teresa is compelling us to do.  Rather than trying to be less judging, perhaps we could move toward being more loving.

In her book Wisdom Jesus, Cynthia Bourgeault speaks of our human brains as being similar to a computer’s “binary operating system” in that we create “either/or” categories as we experience life and people. This sorting system helps us make sense of the world:  you are like me–you are a woman, you are different than me–you are Muslim, …you get the picture.  (Warning:  there is a huge danger in oversimplifying this life-changing teaching from Cynthia.  I recommend you read the book.)

Inherent in this operating system is a “judging mind” which is tied up in dualistic thinking; that is, it creates separation.  This kind of thinking isn’t inherently bad when used to determine things like, is it hot or cold outside?  Where most of us get hung up is in staying in this either/or place when it comes to God, other people, and the world around us.  The separation it creates is an illusion.

So, how do we “upgrade our operating system?” Well, truly that is a lifetime pursuit.  But if we want to lessen our judgments, we must see with what Bourgeault calls, “the eye of the heart.”  In this case, the heart is seen “primarily an organ of spiritual perception.”

We must see with an eye that recognizes there is no separation between us and God, other people, and all of Creation. This may not come naturally for most of us and so some regular practice of spiritual exercise is in order.  The great masters have encouraged us to create time each day to intentionally tune our “hearts” toward God.

For me, taking time for the silence of Centering Prayer helps me notice when I am judging myself and others–creating needless separation.  I’m ashamed when I bristle with judgment.  These are great teaching moments, when they occur I have a choice, do I want to flog myself with criticism, or gently touch the moment with love, maybe even humor, and a desire to do better?

Jesus boldly dared us to take live from this place when he implored us to “To love the Lord your God with all heart and all your soul and all your mind….And love your neighbor as yourself.”

Perhaps noticing when we are judging is a step toward living into that kind of love.

Many of you have great insights about Cynthia, Wisdom Jesus, non-dual thinking, lessening our judgments…your experiences and thoughts are most welcome!

Tags: , , ,

Posted in Labyrinth Questions, Uncategorized | 1 Comment »

7 Favorite Patience Quotes

Jul 29th, 2010 by Mary Bea

In the spirit of answering Lauren Artress’ question:  Am I becoming more patient, I have compiled a list of 7 Favorite Patience Quotes.

Lao Tzu

  1. “Do you have the patience to wait until your mud settles and the water is clear? Can you remain unmoving until the right action arises by itself?  Lao Tzu
  2. “But the seed on good soil stands for those with a noble and good heart, who hear the word, retain it, and by persevering produce a crop.”  Jesus, Luke 8:15
  3. “Let nothing disturb thee; let nothing dismay thee; all things pass; God never changes.  Patience attains All that it strives for.  He who has God finds he lacks nothing; God alone suffices.”  St. Teresa of Avila
  4. “Patience is the ability to idle your motor when you feel like stripping your gears.” Barbara Johnson
  5. “We cannot learn real patience or tolerance from a guru or a good friend.  They can be practiced only when we come in contact with someone who creates unpleasant experiences.  …enemies are really good for us as we can learn a lot from them and build our inner strength.”  Dalai Lama
  6. “Better is the patient spirit than the lofty spirit.  Do not in spirit become

    Rainer Maria Rilke

    quickly discontented, for discontent lodges in the bosom of a fool.”  Ecclesiastes 7:8-9

  7. “Be Patient toward all that is unsolved in your heart and try to love the questions themselves.  Do not seek the answers, which cannot be given you because you would not be able to live with them.  And the point is to live everything.  Live the questions.”  Rainer MariaRilke

Do you have a favorite patience story or quote?  Feel free to share it below.

Posted in Labyrinth Questions, Uncategorized | 2 Comments »

Am I Becoming More Patient?

Jul 28th, 2010 by Mary Bea

Sr. Mary McGehee

Oh my, I am so not qualified to write about patience. But I promised we would delve into those four questions Lauren Artress posed, and I’m not going to bail now.  Okay, let’s dig deep folks and see what we unearth.

Question #2: Am I becoming more patient? hmmmm…Not, Am I more patient? But, Am I becoming more patient…becoming more patient.  Becoming, I like that.  What a becoming word becoming is.

It has a sort of “am I on my way?” feel to it.  As opposed to, “have I arrived?” I’m reminded of the wise words of Sr. Mary McGehee .  I was expressing frustration with how long it was taking for me to accomplish certain “goals” I had for myself.  Mary listened attentively to my rant, when I finally took a breath she gently offered, “Be patient.  God is growing you.”

I was struck by the sheer shift in consciousness Mary was offering. Ahhhh, God is growing me. Such space in that concept isn’t there?

I don’t have to be THERE (wherever THERE is) right now, you see I’m growing. And not just me–you too.  God is growing you as well.  So, if I feel a little frustrated with “you” I hope to remind myself, be gentle, God is growing her too.

There’s a lot more to say about this patient thing, but I’m going to leave it here for now and come back to it tomorrow. I’m going to try a new trick and let some of these ideas take root first.

I am grateful God is growing us together.

Namaste

Tags: , , ,

Posted in Labyrinth Questions, Uncategorized | No Comments »

Older Posts »